July 28, 2010

It has just hit me like a ton of bricks that I thought was secure and stable above my head.




kind of like a infant/toddler having their pacifier taken away. The parents having already hidden it and the toddler crying (which I must admit I did) looking for it and realizing they can’t have it back.

HOWEVER, the toddler does grow in knowing that it’s not something that they need. That everything is okay, and provided for, and life seems to be open and free for them. I plan on this happening to me, soon.

I’ve noticed the growth already within me. I’ve noticed my challenges and I’ve noticed my victories. I know “I’m a big kid now,” but it’s still taking me time to adjust. I thought everything was fine, but when you are untagging some old/horrible pics of yourself and your favorite and kindred professor randomly calls you and you talk for over an hour just about life….IT HITS YOU!

DANG YOU ACME! DANG YOU CHANGES! But THANK YOU GOD for the growth, the unexpected blessings, the relationships that (hopefully) won’t ever change, and for being all that I REALLY NEED.

I’m ready to walk ahead into this new chapter of life. I’m oh so excited and I feel like I’m being trusted with something that is precious and beautiful yet really fragile. I’m blessed to know that God knows I can handle it.

Thanks for listening (reading), I just had to let it out.



July 27, 2010

A new thing I’m starting.

SMFQ means Slap My Face Quote.

Have you been holding back from a risky, costly course to which you know in your heart God has called you? Hold back no longer. Your God is faithful to you, and adequate for you. You will never need more than He can supply, and what He supplies, both materially and spiritually, will always be enough for the present.

– James I. Packer

Clean Heart

July 26, 2010

This song, and lyrics especially, have been on my mind and heart constantly over the past few weeks.

I hope it speaks to you as well.

I thought I wasn’t going to blog. But after reading a special friend’s blog it ignited something in me. I guess you could say it challenged me to type about what I spend most of my time doing that I have never written about on here. She talked about her job (nurse), which I call her ministry.

Well, I’ll talk about Kenya, which I call my heart.

I think I spend every moment of my days thinking about this wonderful place and the wonderful people there.

Did I ever tell you that I’m moving to Kenya? Well….I’m moving to Kenya. Yeah, it still hasn’t completely sunk in.

What does Kenya mean to me? Kenya means joy, challenges, victory, glory, beauty, pain, thirst, worship, dance, laughter, affection, trials, triumph, ….. I could go on and on.

It’s been a lil over 1 year since I’ve been home from Kenya and it hasn’t left my mind and heart one day. Honestly.

Kenya, I’m so ready for you. To be welcomed home. To be loved on and ministered to by those I’ve sought out to help/love on. The spirit within you and your people is pure and is always optimistic. The fight within you inspires me to become a better person and puts everything into perspective. Kenya, you are so full of joy!!! It makes me smile just to think about it. I love that you are so open and accepting to anyone.  I can’t wait till we meet again and build a stronger and more intentional relationship. I hope that I can repay you for all that you’ve done for me.

See you soon.

After a refreshing dinner and movie with a great friend, Allie. I heard a great song on the way home. I love when I hear a really old song that I’ve never paid attention to but then you listen again and it all makes sense. It’s like God wanted you to understand the lyrics at a certain time or your Holy Spirit is mature enough or ready to fully accept it.

Anywho, I’ve always been a fan of Out of the Grey (I told you it was an old school song) and one of my favorite songs that the couple sings is Walk By Faith. Here are the lyrics below:

I’m gonna walk by faith, not by sight
‘Cause I can’t see straight in the broad daylight
I’m gonna walk by faith, not by fear
‘Cause I believe in the One who brought me here

I’m standing on the edge of whatever
Whatever He has planned for me
My next step will be measured
With confidence in the unseen

Like dancing on the edge of forever
I have nothing left to lose
Flying free as a feather
A vagabond in beautiful shoes

I’m moving through this great unknown
With faith beneath my feet
I take the road invisible
But I know Jesus goes with me
Oh, I believe, I believe
Because You gave Yourself to me
And I have nothing left to fear
‘Cause I see it’s You who brought me here
Though the road ahead is not quite clear
Still I know the way

Anywho, this songs has lots to do with lots in my ever-changing life. It’s great to know that God has seen and will continue to see everything, (fears, struggles, solutions, glory, salvations, PURPOSE!) that I can’t see.